Malaysian Future leader: The Young Adults.

My country is a great place for Caucasians to live in. In fact, one can see Caucasians everywhere in this country, working or just chilling. One particular group of people has managed to make this country a haven for Caucasians – the young adults. Before I go any further, here's a little background knowledge on the young adults in my country.

As in everywhere in the world, the young adults see this period as the best time of their life. However, in my country, the young adults do not necessarily feel that they are at the best time of their life, but they are educated to think so by books and the elders. Most of the time, they are more excited about the prospect of entering casino or buying alcohol. But they do appear to cherish the possibility of exploring life. A typical way for a Malaysian young adult to express his desire to explore life is by highlighting his intention to go oversea. To a Malaysian young adult, to achieve the ultimate goal of experiencing different things as mentioned by the life-gurus who wrote books, one has to go oversea.

To be an educated Malaysian young adult who is sensitive with current issues, one has to have a political stance. The political stance for a regular Malaysian young adult is that our government sucks while the stance for an educated Malaysian young adult is that our government still has a lot to improve. Both the regular and educated Malaysian young adults strive for one thing: to escape the country on account of disappointment with the government. When a regular Malaysian young adult says that he has had enough of our government’s lies and tricks, he is looking forward to building snowmen in another country with four seasons. When an educated Malaysian young adult says that the system is rotten beyond redemption, he’s looking forward to spending and earning in a country with bigger currency. Malaysian young adults pride themselves on having realistic dreams.

A Malaysian young adult can also be characterized by his love and obsession with the English language. Official reason is because English is the international language but there’s more to it. Just like how that pimply-faced guy in your office is so eager to help the hot girl move her bookshelf. There are signs of obsession with the language which can be seen from the daily habit of reading solely English books and watching solely English dramas. Be that as it may, English is still not the primary language so no matter how hard the young adults try or how many expressions they memorize from dramas, they still sound amusing at times. However, practice makes almost perfect so they’re still able to impress some of their peers.

The reason Malaysian young adults have managed to make this country a Caucasian heaven is because they see the Caucasians as improved version of human and they hold them up highly. Even those who have never gone oversea have tried to mimic the perceived lifestyles shown in English dramas. The young adults perceive the Caucasians’ lifestyle as advanced lifestyle practiced by advanced human beings. Though most of them have managed to practise the same lifestyle but the similarity ends there. Born with submissive roots, the Malaysian young adults are not exactly enjoying themselves when they’re practising it.

Proof: (Any 'having fun' picture)The girl's face looks red not because she's drunk, but she's embarrassed with herself.

The Malaysian young adults will often try to make Caucasians feel at home by adjusting their own belief, though they still couldn't tell the difference between being promiscuous and being open-minded. The Caucasians,at the mean time, are enjoying themselves here.

I put myself in the caucasians’ shoes for a moment and think, if someone is so eager to give me a blowjob, it does not concern me whether he or she likes it or not, what’s important is

 “I get the blowjob”

Next I’ll move into Malaysian senior citizens or old people

Mainstream(part 3)

(g)Mainstreamers are obsessed with work-life balance.

As in all stages of schooling, the mainstreamers are always the ones who try to convince you that their lives are more than just studying, in other words, they are not nerds. This attitude has served them well and is therefore carried into their working lives. Now they try to convince you that they are not workaholics. By bombarding everyone with their work-life balance propaganda, they have amassed a huge number of followers, for the mainstreamers, numbers are what matters. Usually, nerds or workaholics who are unsure of their own abilities will give in to the brainwashing. However, there are nerds who have full confidence of themselves, knowing that they do not need work-life balance as an excuse to be mediocre, they end up as the Bill Gates of their generation. These nerds will then invent tools that shape the work-life balance of the mainstreamers.

The nerds invented faster computer programmes so the mainstreamers can finish their job sooner and get back to their beloved life. The life which is shaped also by the nerds who invented smartphones which allow mainstreamers to update you about the places they have "checked in" after work. Knowing that the mainstreamers' lives always consist of predictable outgoing activities, the nerds also invented the google maps and GPS to help the mainstreamers get to where they want. To further assist the mainstreamers with their countless little gatherings, the nerds invented better digital cameras with near-unlimited storage memory cards so the mainstreamers can take countless pictures of smiling faces signifying happiness which can only stemmed from work-life balance. These pictures are, in mainstream term - precious memories. To give the mainstreamers an outlet of sharing, the considerate nerds have also created social networking sites so the pictures could be uploaded. By this point, the nerds realised that the existence of mainstreamers very much dictates their amount of income. So, to ensure a continuous stream of income, the nerds decided that procreation among mainstreamers is of paramount importance. The resulting mainstream offsprings will be taught about the ways of living by his parents. The nerds achieved this by coming up with the idea of online dating sites. 

Be that as it may, human lust has no limit, the procreation gets out of control easily, so, the nerds again are back at what they do best -  coming up with solutions. They dedicated themselves to laboratory experiments, and came up with birth control pills and other pregnancy prevention methods. Now the mainstreamers can hump discretely and simultaneously achieving work-life balance. Thanks to the invention, there's also an increase in mainstream couples who claim to practise "abstinence until marriage", mainstream catholic girls are now becoming more catholic than they used to be. Still, it's a job well done by the nerds. 

That was the background relationship between the nerds and mainstreamers. Back to the original point, a typical saying by a mainstreamer when he's trying to emphasize the point of work-life balance is that he's "in severe need of sunlight". At first this attempted cleverness sounds like he or she has manage to drive home the point that he has not been out of office for a long time, the only problem with this mainstreamly smart remark is that mainstreamers could not stand the food in their company canteen, so they will always go out for lunch, and going out for lunch means the Sun will be staring the mainstreamers right in the face. The afternoon sun is never shy. Studies have shown that the average amount of sunlight that a mainstreamer gets for each year is enough to keep a sunflower alive for 9 months and 16 days (ceteris paribus)

Sometimes a mainstreamer might go for the variation of the "sunlight" phrase and say "i'm turning into a vampire!" which will usually induce mainstream laughter. One time a mainstream co-worker of mine said that exact phrase when i was in a particularly bad-ass mood (do not be confused with bad mood) so i replied "That's why you suck so much". She wasn't going to let go of that and asked me to explain. So i told her the truth, that not only did she suck up to the boss, she also sucks her rich boyfriend's money and on rare occasion, dick. She responded with a shock expression as if some guy in front of her just refused to hold the door for her. She told me that i have "serious issues". Some male co-workers jumped to her defence and a few others were shaking their heads. So i walk over to the closest head-shaking co-workers and playfully put my arms around his neck saying "i was just kidding, mate...", smiles started to appear on all faces, starting with the manager who were trying to diffuse the situation, then spread to the workers who're not sure how to react. Then in a Jason Bourne moment, "crack!", i broke the co-worker's neck in a graceful motion. "now you can shake your head 360 degrees..ha". It was a good joke, but nobody laughed. I was upset so i quit my job on the spot, the manager was stunned by my decision to quit, i could see it on his face, , then i went home and cried myself to sleep.

Mainstream(cont'd)

(i) Mainstream people smoke

Mainstream people smoke in a different manner compared to the others. Mainstream people smoke not because they want to or like to. But they need to (bang!) get away from things. Mainstream people see smoking as a poetical act of “escaping”. Like the world-weary main character in mainstream series, mainstream people have experienced the vicissitudes of life, which can only be symbolized by the irregular patterns of the clouds of smoke. That is why when mainstream people smoke, they are not actually concentrating on the act of smoking itself, the smoke sort of came out naturally from his nose as a result of his sighing, simultaneously performing the ‘thousand yards stare’.

(ii) Mainstream people wish to lead a ‘simple life’

Though mainstream people believe that life is too short to be ordinary, but weariness got the better of them. They now envy the ones who lead the ‘simple, normal life’. “I wish I could be like you”. There is no malicious intent in this kind of envy as mainstream people are not malicious by their default nature.

(iii) Mainstream people do not smoke

As mainstream people is a big fan of survival(not just the series), they believe that blending in is essential for survival. Under the right influence, mainstream people can become the vegetarian. Also under the right influence, mainstream people are non-smokers. As mentioned before, mainstream people like shoving their ideology in our faces, they are the ones who printed the disgusting pictures on cigarette packs to send out anti-smoking message. Besides under influence, there is other circumstances under which mainstream people will never smoke. For example, when they have smoke before during younger years.

(iv) Mainstream people like turning over a new leaf

The time of origin of mainstream people remains a mystery. But they are believed to exist since the time of Jesus, the time when the concept of Penance was invented. The concept was practiced during the Roman Catholic era. According to the concept, a sinner is cleared of all his wrongdoings after confessing his sins and obtaining a letter of penance from the archbishop. The letter of penance can be bought. Since then, it has been a popular business; critics called it “The business of regret”. Due to competition, over time, there’s significant reduction in the price. In the Forgiving society era which is the current era, the service is provided for free. “turning over a new leaf” is free lunch for the mainstreamers. They will take every opportunity to do it. As in the earlier example, mainstream people smoke when they’re young, then regret later. One of the important perks of “turning over a new leaf” is that one gets to enjoy the applause given to oneself based on perceived perseverance. 

(v) Mainstream people are economical

Mainstream people are annoyed by repetitive phrases as they consider them a waste of precious time. For that, mainstream people will never apply for jobs like the clerks or secretary as they consider these jobs repetitive and mundane. They believe in utilizing their "skills and knowledge". Due to their economical nature, mainstream people think that i should have written "mainstream people" just once as the header instead of repeating them over and over again. 

Stay tuned.

Mainstream

I was in an academic discussion with a person on the subject of “mainstream” and one particular point was raised:

“The reason mainstream became the mainstream is because humans have figured out the best way to survive and thus pass on the knowledge to the others”

Survival, upon hearing this word, I have to lie down in bed to think about it as the weight of the discussion hit me like a ton of bricks. Soon, I realized that the mainstreamers look for something beyond survival. Something practical. Here I’ll give you an objective view on the definition of mainstream habbits so you can decide whether or not they are necessary for survival.

(a)    Like what you see from University prospectus, the random pictures of the students. A mainstream person has friends from both genders. He has no romantic feelings for his friend from opposite sex. Usually, things just happen, like tsunami or earth quake, he didn’t see it coming. Then he’s in love. High school and university time period is where a mainstream person gathers stories that he “doesn’t want to talk about” in the future. A mainstream person sees that as the process of growing.

(b)    A mainstream person is never defensive in response to questions. He always sees the other party as well-meaning and he holds a positive attitude. In his own words, he has outgrown his previous grumpy and negative self, it’s all behind him now. He is unfazed by difficult situation and individuals, he’s always a calm figure, unless it’s something that is totally intolerable in the mainstream sense, for example, racism. He condemns racism like a politician(albeit with simpler vocabulary) though whether he has done any actual thing to prevent it is not known.

(c)    A mainstream person is also an avid player of the game of “appropriateness”. He has a contradicting love-hate feeling towards corporate dinner. He hates it on the outside but love it in the inside. The corporate dinner is where he does his field testing of “appropriateness”. He would pat himself on the back after a delightful conversation with a VIP.

(d)    A mainstream person has what the books would call a high “emotional quality”. The exact mechanism of how a high emotional quality is judged from a person is not known but it was casually mentioned that a calm demeanor should suffice. What really went on inside the head is irrelevant and petty.

(e)    A mainstream person knows how and when to have fun and better yet, he will make sure you know it too. He cares about others well being in terms of having fun. It is customary for him to show concern after the new year or Christmas eve. “I was at the countdown event in esplanade, it was so exciting we count down from ten to zero, did you come?”. As tempting as this question sounds, any response that involve his mum’s mouth is inappropriate and wouldn’t serve his interest. it’s better to help him get it over with the questioning so he can move on to the next person, specifically, that girl with the cleavage in the next cubicle.

(f)     A mainstream person cares about the wellbeing of single, unattached people around him. That can be attibuted to his care for the fate of mankind in general. A mainstream person couldn’t stand the sight of an individual capable of impregnating or getting impregnated yet never do anything concrete which leads to the purpose of getting or causing impregnation. He would urge them to get into action (namely, dating) in the way of friendly reminder during wedding or occasionally using playful, unmalicious taunting. Any signs of discomfort from the intended target would be met with a condescending pat on the shoulder followed by a swift change of topic from him.

(g)    Specifically, a mainstream person would switch off the lights during earth hour, simultaneously remind us on facebook to do the same through his indirect global warming inducing tools like the iphone.

(h)    Specifically, a mainstream person would pray for the Japanese earthquake victims. Donating to the cause if he has any left-over income after satisfying his own necessary material needs. In other words, he would donate if it’s convenient enough for him.

Stay tuned.

Copulation and Love(Part 1)

We’ve seen the wonders of human capabilities through countless inventions and scams. Some of which were originally devised to fulfill the self-serving purposes of the inventor. For example, the vibrator or dildo(According to reliable sources, the inventor’s wife was a nymphomania.). In terms of ideology, Dictatorship and communism are some of the more widely known self-serving propaganda. Though these inventions have affected the lives of many and have been of great help for the one in power, they do have one thing in common: There are people opposing the use of these tools. Dictatorship for one has lost its place in this time. They all have their 15 minutes fame and fade away as time passes. One particular invention however, has been able to stand the challenge of time. It started with Plato, experiences a series of modification and renewal through time in which William Shakespeare were among the ones profited, it was put to good use by Don Juan, Casanova then the late Edison Chen and that British guy living on social welfare who impregnated 10+ women. Love is the name of the creation.

Plato first introduced the idea of Love when he was having a joke session with his best students and one of them challenged him to come up with an idea which can stand the test of time. To us modern humans, this kind of challenge and bet seems ridiculous and impossible to achieve but not for Plato and his elite students. Plato’s students came from every major discipline we can think of; there are mathematician, physicist, musician, philosopher, prostitutes, religionist, scientist, blogger, architect etc. Unlike modern humans, these people are Awesome. I’m talking serious integrity. Not the kind of integrity like honoring the promise to take care of your girlfriend (like you have a choice) because her future was ruined by the pregnancy you brought. I’m talking about integrity that lasts for centuries. The bet between Plato and his student who was an astronomer went this way: If Plato’s idea is able to last for at least 9 centuries, then the solar system should have 9 planets and one of them should be named Pluto. By this point, there was question among his students: Why the ‘U’ but not the ‘A’?. One student from the field of prostitution raised the question and he was choked to death on the spot by Plato. Plato always hated when people corrected his typo errors, more so if they do it by asking questions instead of saying it directly. That was remembered as the day when Plato killed Prostitution. It was a beautiful scene, in fact, Leonardo Da Vinci has painted that scene and it was named “The Last Breath” though it was never published. Plato’s students witnessed the first use of necessary violence in history. At the sight of Plato clutching the neck of the student with such vengeance, they realized the reason for the letter ‘U’ : Plato is Untouchable. The late movie Inglourious Basterds has paid tribute to that scene when Colonel Hans Landa killed Bridget von hammersmarck. Plato claimed he play no part in that. However, Plato’s anger was still burning with fury; he pledged to sabotage the prostitution industry. So he devised his theory for the bet in a way which left a permanent scar on the prostitution industry. In fact, the word ‘prostitution’ was originally named ‘ostitution’ , The pr- infront stands for Plato’s Revenge.

Plato defined Platonic Love as a genuine feeling which is Non-sexual. It was a slap on the face of the prostitution industry which is based solely on Sex. Let us stop for a moment and admire the ingenious method Plato employed in creating the idea of Love to win the bet: Unlike Dictatorship and communism, Plato devised his idea such that it dwells with human emotions. It’s a dangerous field to play in but if one plays it well, the idea can last for eternity. Dictatorship and communism are easily defeated by human emotions, namely natural justice. Plato also employed the tactic of using an open-ended explanation for his idea which further extended its lifespan since the open-ended structure allows for all kinds of interpretation. In fact, it extended far beyond 9 centuries and still counting. Somewhere between the time line, Shakespeare discovered a nice piece of ass or an elegantly beautiful woman while he was still a budding, testosterone charged young man so he thought up a quick way to bang it or her , and so we have “Love at first sight”. Since then, it has revolutionized Plato’s platonic love. It was a friendlier version, at least to the young men during the time. It was a good time for sentimental copulation. That’s when the word COUPLE is invented. The word can be split into three parts- Co.U.Ple. which reflects the trend during the time- Copulation: Union of two People. Don Juan and Casanova were two of the pinnacle during their time in exploiting the possibility of Love. Between them, “One night stand” was invented as a form of part-time amusement. Fast-forward to our modern world now which is technologically advanced. We invented new-age loves, Internet love, puppy love, vagner love and even Courtney love. Recording of Love is now possible with the invention of video camera.

Next part we delve into every aspects of modern love and how it helps a man impregnate 10+ women and also how modern love can be expressed since I have heard women splitting with their boyfriends simply because “He was not expressive enough”.